I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
