I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
