I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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