Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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