Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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