it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
