Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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