She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's blow job season.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
