Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dont even know how to be here
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
