i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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