I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who died my cat blue again?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
