i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
