Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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