No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
