i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
