Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
