I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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