this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
