I wish I could punch you in the face.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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