i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize