im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
