I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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