Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
