I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
