Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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