Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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