We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't just leave with hair like that
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
