Jerry, you need to find god
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize