I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
