And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
