marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
