I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
