ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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