Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
