Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
