if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
