Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize