one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize