I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
