anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
