I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I cut my penus on the lid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
