He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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