We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
