tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
