yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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