If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize