no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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