I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
