when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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