there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish I only lived at night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
