My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
