You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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