I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm at about main and main street
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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