Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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