I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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