She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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