my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
