This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
