i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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