textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
