Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Vodka?
Forever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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