girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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