i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize