I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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