Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
