I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
