I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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