it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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