Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
how drunk are you?
Several
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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