Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
