New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
