The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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