I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
